DOTLAN EveMaps

u'Excerpt from an article by The Scope, \u201cThe Life and Times of Dr. Butthole\u201d dated July 5, YC94:

Sir Dr. Butthole III, Esq. (born Mainard Quintas Pickadilly, YC67 - ) was born on Eletta III to a family of migrant workers employed at a Federation Customs factory. After his family passed in a tragic gas explosion accident at the facility, he was sent to an orphanage in the southern jungle where he was forced to test starship-grade plasma blasters on the local wildlife. Unfortunately, a few days after his arrival, a volatile antimatter discharge destroyed the orphanage and he was left to fend for himself in the wilderness, where he survived on Fedo jerky, plasma-roasted snakes, and frozen dinners stolen from the military barracks in the western mountains. He was at last caught stealing dehydrated fish strips from a young capsuleer in training, Atticus Butthole II, on sabbatical from the Eletta VIII \u2013 Moon 19 - University of Caille station.

\u201cThe young lad looked distraught,\u201d the capsuleer remembers. \u201cI took pity on the poor boy and decided to enroll him at the university,\u201d he says, referring to the University of Caille\u2019s community outreach program for disadvantaged youths. \u201cThe boy was so happy, he even took up my family name,\u201d the capsuleer babbles, breaking into tears.

Dr. Butthole\u2019s tutors claimed he showed great promise in the medical, legal, and engineering fields, but in the final month before graduation, the student center decompressed, ejecting many of students into deep space. Dr. Butthole fortunately survived with minor injuries. An investigation into the incident cites a lapse in safety inspections and poor quality construction materials, combined with a freak mining laser misfire, as responsible for the tragedy. The doctor claims this was the final catalyst for his lifelong pursuit of industrial safety enforcement.

\u201cIt were just awful what happened to them poor industrial students,\u201d said the doctor, looking longingly at the hand-operated mining laser he had built as his senior project. \u201cI decided right then, my moneys will go to making sure all the capsuleer boys and girls workin\u2019 with safe parts and stuff. I hopes I can be like an angel to all them careless folk.\u201d

Dr. Butthole said he plans to one day open an industrial inspection agency with \u201cproper permits\u201d from CONCORD and the Gallente Federation.

Dr. Butthole claims he lives by one motto, \u201cThey don\u2019t think it be like it is, but it do.\u201d'