DOTLAN EveMaps

u"Hi \u2014 yes, hello there waitress. I\u2019d like to order a clubhouse sandwich\u2026 or something adjacent to that, if possible. I assume you do know what a clubhouse is, but just in case, it\u2019s the one with the layers \u2014 though not too many layers, because sometimes people get carried away and it becomes architectural rather than edible.

Anyway. White bread \u2014 unless your whole wheat is actually good, which it rarely is, but I\u2019m open to being surprised. Toasted, obviously, but not aggressively toasted. I don\u2019t want to feel like I\u2019m chewing through a philosophy on texture.

Turkey - fresh, please. Not the kind that tastes like it\u2019s been thinking about its life choices in a plastic bag. Bacon, but\u2026 crisp. Not burnt. There\u2019s a difference, though I understand it\u2019s subtle for some kitchens.

Lettuce and tomato are fine, assuming the tomato has seen sunlight at some point in its existence. If it\u2019s one of those pale, watery discs, maybe just\u2026 don\u2019t. Or do. I mean, I can always take it off myself I guess.

Mayo \u2014 light, but not so light that I have to wonder if it\u2019s there. Actually, maybe on the side. No, wait... put a little on, and also some on the side. That way I retain control. I also want real mayo, not that goblin jizz known as 'Miracle Whip'.

Cut it into triangles. Or halves. Triangles are traditional, but halves are more practical. You know what, surprise me \u2014 but not in a way that suggests chaos.

Oh \u2014 and a pickle. A good one. Not one of those limp afterthoughts.

Thank you. I\u2019m sure this will be perfectly adequate.

Oh, and thats a cute outfit, you should smile more."